Not that anyone actually reads this but here is an update. 
Things in my personal life have been going pretty damn good however with everything else that happens good something else fails.  Work is what is failing.  My job is causing every kind of stress i can get, and it is causing me to go back to the habit of seeking out company to cope with it.  This has ben a down fall of mine for a long time now. 
In other news.  Other than job some things have came about in personal life that I will talk more about later.  Also Octfest is next weekend and If I have the money I am definately going.  Also I have solidified my Halloween costume, and no I am not saying anything about that either.
So if anyone does read this and knows where I can get a new job right now, let me know.


Muchacho

Job sucks, car sucks, life sucks.  I need a turn around.  For a short time I felt like I had all the friends in  the world and then I don't know why but it feels all of them have turned on me.... That is one thing on my mind.  I have some other things on my mind but no one I trust enough to talk to about the things... I wish things would get better...

This was a triumph.
I'm making a note here: HUGE SUCCESS.
It's hard to overstate my satisfaction.
Aperture Science
We do what we must
because we can.
For the good of all of us.
Except the ones who are dead.
But there's no sense crying over every mistake.
You just keep on trying till you run out of cake.
And the Science gets done.
And you make a neat gun.
For the people who are still alive.
I'm not even angry.
I'm being so sincere right now.
Even though you broke my heart.
And killed me.
And tore me to pieces.
And threw every piece into a fire.
As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!
Now these points of data make a beautiful line.
And we're out of beta.
We're releasing on time.
So I'm GLaD. I got burned.
Think of all the things we learned
for the people who are still alive.
Go ahead and leave me.
I think I prefer to stay inside.
Maybe you'll find someone else to help you.
Maybe Black Mesa
THAT WAS A JOKE.
HAHA. FAT CHANCE.
Anyway, this cake is great.
It's so delicious and moist.
Look at me still talking
when there's Science to do.
When I look out there, it makes me GLaD I'm not you.
I've experiments to run.
There is research to be done.
On the people who are still alive.
And believe me I am still alive.
I'm doing Science and I'm still alive.
I feel FANTASTIC and I'm still alive.
While you're dying I'll be still alive.
And when you're dead I will be still alive.
STILL ALIVE (x2)


So... looking for new job, if anyone has a place to look let me know.  Also just got back from chicago today hanging with the peeps up there and going to the Ren Faire for the first time ever.  Twas fun.
Right now I am sore from fighting with Connor and Jon.  That was pretty awesome, I miss doing that.  Other than that I have had a lot of things on my mind just distracting me from life in general.  I will be OK though.  If you want to know more ask.

Muchacho out

Harriet! Harry-it, hard-hearted harbinger of haggis... Beautiful, bemuse-ed, bellicose butcher. Un-trust... ing. Un-know... ing. Un-love... ed? He wants you back, he screams into the night air like a fireman going to a window that has no fire... except the passion of his heart. I am lonely! It's really hard! This poem... sucks.

Tonight was the first time i have seen you in a month.  I thought I was going to be ok, but I wasn't.  The moment I saw you a flood of probably some of the best memories i have ever had hit me like a mack truck on a meteor.  I just can't shake this feeling.  I just would of liked a chance at it.  I gave a chance when asked to take one but i did not get one in return.  I just want to know what i did to scare you. What did i do to make you stop loving me. Why are you scared to take a chance? And the sad part is you wont answer these questions and if you do it will be with a "because i think i know" not a definite knowing.

So i haven't posted a happy update for a while

So I am continuing to work on the fighting thing with Connor.  He isn't holding back anymore. Tonight he told me that i am getting better quicker than he thought.  I felt good with that compliment.  When I do something I don't go at it half-assed.  I feel that i will be with help from him and the other guys that i will be ready to actually fight come October, but we will see.  And for anyone who wants to know I am starting to be better with my thoughts and feelings.  Things are kinda looking up.  Hoping that this weekend since i have saturday off I might be able to get out of town. 

So yesterday I broke my bike out.  Man I am way out of shape on riding it.  Also I went over to Connor/Justin's to fight.  Man it felt good to go out and get some aggression out and jut talk with a friend. I am still just waiting.  God i hate it. I want to know what is going on. 

So this weekend is the 4th, and I have no plans.  However friends might be coming into to town and kidnap me for the night.  I hope for someone to be able to come with me. 

Still trying to figureout what to do.  Willing to take a chance knowing that the worst could happen, but nonetheless I am still will to take chance and make things happen.


Brian/ Wolfie/ Muchacho out.

Wish You Were Here lyrics
I dig my toes into the sand.
The ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket.
I lean against the wind, pretend that i am weightless and in this moment i am happy.

[Chorus:]
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here
I wish you were here.

I lay my head onto the sand.
The sky resembles a backlit canopy with holes punched in it.
I'm counting ufo's.
I signal them with my lighter
and in this moment i am happy, happy.

[Chorus]

The world's a roller coaster and I am not strapped in.
Maybe I should hold with care,but my hands are busy in the air.

[Chorus]

I don't know what i am supposed to do now... I guess I just sit here and wait and wait and wait in some level of confusion.  I just don't know anymore. 

Side note-
Got some bill paid off... have $200 saved up for either new apartment or trip to vegas with Chuck.  However I secretly kinda would rather not go to Vegas at this time.  Not sure that I would have all the fun that I want to there.  There are too many variables that I need to sort first.  Which leaves me with the confusion and and questions.  Its a hurry up and wait situation... well I am waiting....
....
So what am I supposed to do?

My new goal is too not live at a family memembers house any longer than I have to, period. 

Also friday night date with Kari is coming up.  I am almost as nervous about it as i was when we went on our first date.  That is how I am taking it too.  I want to start this thing again.  Get it back to what it was and I think it will work out.. I love her and hope that she still feels the same.  She has been there for me through the thick and thin of my life for the past 5.5 months.  My life has all but fell apart but she has been there to help me keep it together.  I thank you very much Kari with all of my heart.  I remember a fews months ago while laying in bed Kari asked me "Do you love me?"  I had been thinking about it for the few weeks previous.  And I said and meant it felt so good.  I hope we can get back to that but if not I really hope we can be great friends (it will take awhile).
 muchacho out










ps. i love you

Well over the weekend things just became more complicated with Kari and I.  I am pretty sure everyone knows by now.  I think that we can fix something in it though.  I have hopes.  We have decided to take a mutual break from physically seeing each other.  This is both and agreed thing and kinda forced since our job schedules are so different right now.  I will not be able to see her again till friday when i get off work.  We are going to go to the taste of CU and watch music and maybe hang out downtown or go do something together.  I am really looking forward to this date (and yes Kari I am calling it a date).
In other news major stuff is moved to mom's house- tv, bed, dresser, ect.  Hoping that living there will decrease the homeless stress that I have been having.  Other than that work is good except hours. Honestly work is good.  I have been working this 6-12 3-7 BS split shift.  That is the only thing that is not kosher right now.  And for anyone out there that reads this that has XBOX live, starting next week be back online cplaying COD4, GH, and Left 4 Dead.  gamertag- xgestapodukex

muchacho out.

My life is a living pot of suck and hell....

suckass

1 part of suck
2 parts of ass
pinch of pain
 mix in pot and brew for 5 months and then pour down the drain..
that is right don't consume it pour it out.... but it was fun making it, wasn't it?

So we start off on thursday last week.  Kari and I were at her place eating and playing Donkey Kong Country 2.  Yes, yes, I know it is old but the SNES is one of the best systems ever.  Well we got bored and she was feeling uncomfortable with her roommate there, so we went for a walk around her apartment complex.  As we got towards the back of the parking lot I saw a shopping cart and then said, "Kari are you thinking what I am thinking?"  When she instantly figured it out she jumped into it and I proceeded to push her around her parking lot for about a lap and a half.  Now her lot isn't small, probably about a mile around.  Well I was a little winded and tired and she was spent also so we went to the computer lab and sat there till she went to work.  A couple of pics were taken and they will be on facebook hopefully by weeks end. 

Friday nothing spectatucar other than watching Kari try on some very cute tops the she purchased for her new job.

Saturday was work then move couch to storage then to Nate's for small get together.  At his place there was fire, Zoie, and booze.  I think I may hav been the closest to drunk I have ever been.  Well afterwords I went to Kari's to stay the night.

Sunday was and easy work day.  Went home laundried and then went to chicago for celebration of Kari's new job with Erin, Brian, Mel, and Xopec.  It was fun and there was frozen pizza and Captain... sleeping on sofa bed not as much fun :( but no complaints. Then we had good breakfast at Alexanders diner, before rushing back to drop Megan off in Kankakee. 

So that was the weekend... I am pretty sure Kari will post about it also so ...

Side note, saturday was kari and i's 5 month...

Muchacho

Step 1.  Win lottery or come into a mass amount of money somehow.
Step 2.  Pay off debts.  Help family. Throw a little to Kari and a few other friends.
Step 3. Finish school. 

Sounds so easy doesn't it. 

Other news.  Been thinking real hard on my future.  I really dont want to work for Pepsi for life.  However, if I had the money I would consider going to culinary school.  For those who have had my cooking, they say it would be a good idea to try.

Nothing else other than that to talk about.

home·less

Pronunciation:

\-ləs\

Function:

adjective

Date:

1615

Been having awesome dreams lately... Hope they can come true.  I was haveing fun in them... If you want to know about them ask me.

Well I had a wonderful day at Allerton Park with Kari just to come home to a voice mail from the boss saying that we need to talk about something involving times that i am in the stores.  My stores haven't complained to me so i don't know what he is talking about.  Piss on him god dammit. Now i get to try and sleep while thinking about this.

So that sounds like the way right now not only would it temporarily cure my throbbing headache but possibly remove me from the hell that has become my life.  See, I thought moving out would help me a bit financially but so far after a week of being completely flat-ass broke things aren't looking up at all.  Now I know this is going to be a several week process to get back on top of the money hill, but right now the I chose the wrong slope and its muddy.  Not only is this straining me money wise, it has put a really big stress on my relationship with Kari.  Such as, last night we were having a fairly gleeful and somewhat romantic and stimulating walk through the UofI aboretum until my sister decided to call and bitch me out.  Not only did she but then my mom did also.  Then today while i wsa talking to my mom she decided to all but tell me that i had no business even seeing Kari any more until I have money.  Now I am having probems understand but I talked with Kari about this and she thinks it might be because my mom is afraid i am going to get into problems like i had with ex's, but all I want to do if that is true scream at my mom, "KARI IS NOT LIKE MY EX'S DAMMIT." But I have more respect than to do that.  

In other news my paycheck this week end will go to paying my sis and getting the new phone.  And i will have a small amout left over to get some food or something for myself if i don't choose food.  My relationship with Kari is going great (when other people aren't screwing it up).  We just got to the 4 month and it has been great.  I hope can go longer.  And since my last update didn't say anything about it, I got up the courage to tell Kari that I loved her.  Even after she did some coaxing to get it out of me.

musharain a dooda mada... hey yeah its whiskey in the jaro

brian